Consequences and the benefit of the Doubt.

I feel insecure. All over again. I could pretend to be okay in the morning and put a big fake smile on my face but when the sun sets, and the night falls upon, I find myself so weak and vulnerable, almost fragile. My mind is so tired from all the running because to be honest, you've been running in out of my mind all day long.


Please spare me the confusion because I don't feel like I could take another moment of this especially with all the previous never-worked-out relationships that I have lost count. Throughout all my relationships, the only time I'd ever fallen in love was with this guy. Let's name him Dylan. I could swear for sure he was the guy that I'd spent the rest of my life with. Despite my dreams and hopes, we were never meant for each other. He had bigger dreams and happy endings to chase after, and I was not part of it.


However, that didn't stop me from loving him over the years and no matter what, I'd had a place in my heart for him even when I was in a relationship with someone else. Yes, you're probably thinking what kind of a person am I and how could I be so selfish. But then again, who ever said love was selfless or that it was fair? Emotions cannot be measured by and it certainly cannot be locked up t to a certain person or period of time of your favor. Heck, I'd wish it was this simple then probably divorce attorney wouldn't even have a job. 


For those of us who are not in a relationship and feels the same way like me, I'd like to think that we are lost running in the crossroads of an empty field and over and over again, we fall back into the same places running into the same people. Round peg, square hole. And in order for us to not go down that path again, we simply not go down that path again. Make a new path, find a new field, explore a little. Like what C says, " Travel alone and get lost, cause along the way, you'd find yourself and meet new people. " 


Broken hearts and wet tissue papers all over the floor. Been there and I think I lost count of it. So, why feel so low? Be happy and grateful that another day has bestowed upon you and you are given the chance to make a difference. If you don't like what you are right now, change it. You aren't happy bout a relationship, break it off and give yourself some time in solitude.  


At this point of my life, I can truly tell someone in the face that I am generally happy with whatever that is going on and taking course. And the best thing bout it is that I don't need a man to make me happy and give me things that I want. Because I am independent enough to make myself happy and provide the things that I want in life.