rollercoaster.

we were close friends also lovers
did everything for one another
now you're gone and im lost without you here now
but i know i gotta live and make it someone


im confused. i hate grey. why can't things just be black or white. shades of grey are confusing and annoying. regardless of decisions, perspectives, answers, questions and other shit. there's always this level of confusion that you have to either guess or estimate.

friends keep telling me that i dont trust myself and i need to be more confident in what i believe. but somehow i've lost it. im beginning to wonder if i still have a mind of my own. lately, i've been leeching to almost any opportunity i have to be around my friends because they're the source of my strength. it's not healthy. i know i know. and when shit happens, you're the one that's screwed. yes i know i know.

and i keep telling myself that, but what can you do. when desperate moment comes desperate measures and you do whatever it takes to survive.

down bottom low i went today and hopefully i get back up tomorrow.

:)

Sometimes I wonder would it be a lot easier if I just left. You know, like go to somewhere else, where no one knows who you are or anything bout you and you can start over. Some people call it running away from reality, I like to believe that it's everybody ticket to escape and getaway. Everybody deserves a break at one point. And I truly believe that no one should feel lonely or not loved.

As much as I hate to believe it and I still find it hard to think it's true, I am really loved. Not just from the family, but my friends and rather people whom I think it's more " family " than the actual one.

From left : Sash, myself and C.

Sash, she is so adorable and every day she would be my companion at 7.15 am in campus. Whoever who got there first shall wait for the other one in Starbucks and most of the time, it would be me seeing i get to the institution at 6.45 am everyday. I enjoy her company more than ever and all the conversations we've had about boys and love and girl stuffs, i'll miss them and it sucks to know that I will only see you after 4 months after.

From left : Eda, me and C. 

From top left : Parvind, Izzy and Kimmy
From low left : Matthew, C and me.

Parvind. 

I love this guy here. :) 

He's never complain or rant about my annoying personality and still loves me just the way i am. Loves him even more when I know that he could always go home early and sleep the tiredness off but choose to take the train with me and endure the long awaiting hours. He always have my back and I like him to know that I feel the same way too. Best Buds. :D

Kimmy. 

I am supposedly his youngest wife among the four that he has sharing it with Dudu and Astari. 

lollie. 

Hopefully the next time I see him would be during January. :) 

Azee, my sweetheart. 

The picture on the right is blurry but I just had to put it because I want to remember last night just like that. 

He has always had my back and took care of me like a brother should. I still remember I was really drunk one night and something happened which shall not be mentioned and he came for me and took good care of me. Twice. ( I am not proud of it but yea. ) 

He's always smiling and that makes everybody's day. Always look out for me and constantly reminding me how I should be more lady like. Which is kinda true, I do act like a little tomboy being immature and loud and noisy. 

Kseniya <3 

Met her at a barbecue/pool party that Heather took me to before MOS and have been friends ever since. :) Sadly I dont have a picture with Kate and Julia. I miss the three of you so much and I cant wait for January when you come back. Hopefully, I'll be around long enough to spend the time that we have planned for ages. 

Best friend gets the last bit.
Save the best for the last. :D

Crystal Wong Zin.

I still can't believe I found you at Bubba Gump during Chang's birthday. I don't need to say much cause we both have a good understanding bout each other. Despite our differences in many many ways we still manage to work it out and that proves a lot of things and people wrong. You have definitely influenced me in  some ways and I think the hippy in you is rubbing on me.

I hope you have a great time with ure family at Penang tomorrow. And i shall try to have fun with mine. Looking forward to February when we might work together and hopefully move in to the apartment. :D

From left: Erik, Indra and Allan.

From left: Wi Tong and Chang Chang 

From left: Veronica ( Sis ) Rachel and Me. 

Night out to MOS during Halloween Night

Sayam.<3 

Azee, Izzy and Me. 

Last night at Subang Avenue. :D 

My Janu. :) 

Sajjad at T.D.H. 

Ali. :)

Half an hour later* 

Just got of the phone with C and she sounds like she is having fun over at Ipoh with her family. :) This is a good thing. At least one of us is having fun. Made plans and if everything is good, the girls and I are gonna meet up on Monday at Midvalley hopefully before everyone flies off. 

I know this is a pretty long winded post but bare with me. I am talkative and i always have a lot to say. :P 

Until the next time, 

Have a great holiday everyone! 

little things

Holiday is here! :) 

And now that I have so much time on my hands, I don't even know how to spend it. Before this, me and my girls would always complain and hoping this holiday would come faster. 

Went out with C for some drinking session and lunch at The Apartment. Which then ended into a massive camwhoring session and later on, hungover.

Getting ready for Starbuck's Christmas Party at Lakeside Campus last friday. 

 This was a very weird shot. Have no idea where this dude came out from but i think he saw us taking pictures and he wanted one. Knowing C, she would like to please the man's wish this christmas.

We left Starbucks for Tom Dick And Harry. 

Sajjad Madadi. 

He doesn't know how to take pictures. 

Saturday. - Getting ready for Tiesto at Sepang F1 Circuit! 

This picture wasn't taken by me but i love the person who took it. :) 

Definitely been the best weekend for me. I shall remember this night for the rest of my life. 

dream on

I just came across this from a friend of mine's and perfectly describes how i've been feeling for the last couple of weeks. Had a couple of breakdowns here and there but so far, i'm still standing which is a good thing.

They say,

Experience May Be A Brutal Teacher But You Will Learn. 

The truth is ugly. And no, things don't always go your way but instead of just sulking and feeling pathetic and depressed about it, you can choose to do something. No one can actually make you feel better if you yourself don't allow it. At the very least, treat yourself a little better because you deserve it. You deserve the best you can give. That's what i've been living on for the past couple of weeks. I feed myself with this theory that I never thought i'd buy into but it's starting to stick into my bones.