Lost

Its been a long time!

Alot has gone by and before I could do anything about it, 6 months has passed me by. As usual, I've been running around the same place, going through the same things, square peg round hole. Kinda feel the self-emphathy shit right now but hey, life goes on. Doesn't wait for anyone.

How's everyone doing? I presume many has abandon this forsaken blog since my MIA. Even the ones who actually read every post, sincerely hope ure doing okay. At least, better than I am.


With everything that's been going on in my life right now, the one thing I lack of is the one exact thing i need the most, clarity. Knowing myself, I get cranky and paranoid when im lost and confused. Once again, I've lost tracked of my priorities and goals. And this tme, it's my own fault. I let it happened. And now it's backfired on my face. The saddest thing is knowing that it's wrong but the heart can't seem to let go. Just wish it was worth it.

Through all the downfalls and strong tides, i do have a good news ahead, something to look forwawrd to. Im officially leaving to the UK next July. Strangely, I've always known that I was gonna leave and every now and then, I dodge the question when asked by mom and dad but lately, I've slwly learnt to embrace the fact of leaving.


Heading to the East Malayia coming Saturday. Just what I need and I think what the whole family needs. A vacation. And the best thing is I get to see my bestie whom has been planning all the great places to take my family to when I get there.

Just a couple more days, I shall hang in there.

close to the edge

How long more can I actually put up with this? You can't expect someone to just keep live on the benefit out the doubt and just keep hoping.

waiting for words to come around

Spending quality time with the family is a gift. Something to cherish and appreciate as they would not be around forever. So, every minute and second counts and make it count by keeping them special. 

Bonding time over at Restaurant Malaysia with Grams and Grandpa, Daddy and Sean along with Adrienne, cuz cuz yang baru come back from Aussie. 

Yummy yummy! <3 

My tired heart is beating slow. 

Sometimes I wish you would leave me. 

It's as good as it can get. 

Brotzeit

Lunch with the family at Brotzei't. :) 

Now I am always up for it when it comes to trying new food and this German inspired restaurant is one of them. But it was a major letdown. I'd probably go back for the beer and not the food. 

Hefe - Weissbier.
Paulaner, the No. 1 Weissbier in Germany. The typical beer from Munich, top fermented, unfiltered, made with wheat malt. Naturally cloudy with vitamins and hints of banana. 

Rm 50 for a liter during happy hours.

Fries for appetizers. 

I ordered the Chicken Breast ( Naturschnitzel vom Huhn. ) 

Grilled chicken breasts on mashed potatoes served alongside mixed salad drizzled with balsamic glace and chive sour cream.

 Rm 39

 Mom and Dad ordered the signature dish, Pork Knuckle. ( schweinshaxn ) 

Preferably for two to three people. 

Crispy hind shank of grain fed pork served with potato salad, sauerkraut with knuckle gravy on the side. 

Rm 85 

Shopping with the parents today was definitely an enjoyable one. Daddy promised the next time we head over to Bubba Gump to try out their shrimps. I love the shrimps and tequila shots at Bubba. And i think Mom and Dad would enjoy them too. :) 

Been caught up with the resuming semester and as much as I love to say how excited i am to go back, there's a part of me that is afraid to take the leap, afraid to mess things up again and this time around, really let the people around me down. 

But you would'nt know would you, because you never ask. You'd never ask. 

For my boo, 


Elevator buttons and morning air
Stranger's silence makes me want to take the stairs
If you were here we'd laugh about their vacant stares
But right now my time is theirs


Seems like there's always someone who disapproves
They'll judge it like they know about me and you
And the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do
The jury's out, my choice. 


So don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
And life makes love look hard
The stakes are high, the water's rough 
But this love is ours


You never know what people have up their sleeves
Ghosts from your past gonna jump out at me
Lurking in the shadows with their lip gloss smiles
But I don't care cause right now you're mine


And you'll say, 
Don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
And life makes love look hard
The stakes are high, the water's rough 
But this love is ours


And it's not theirs to speculate
If it's wrong and
Your hands are tough
But they are where mine belong and 
I'll fight their doubt and give you faith
With this song for you

Cause I love the gap between your teeth
And I love the riddles that you speak
And any snide remarks from my father about your tattoos will be ignored
Cause my heart is yours



So don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
And life makes love look hard
Don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
But they can't take what's ours
They can't take what's ours
The stakes are high, the water's rough
But this love is ours.

我真的很想知道,如果你真正關心我. 

有時,你對我有多麼的愛和關懷. 我很難相信你. 

All this questions running through my head. Each one of them brings me to another but they somehow all come down to just one. Am i making the right decision? I've been wrong a lot of times and this time, i'd hate myself if i was wrong again. Trust me, if you'd fail as many time as i did, you'd want to be right and carefully make every decision in your life. And because you're so goddamn cautious bout your every move, you'd lose the benefit of the doubt because you don't doubt. You don't invest in things that bring no future. You make everything a clean cut so you don't get hurt. You build up walls around your life so that no one else can come near enough to bring you down. 


And this isn't the kinda life i imagined myself going through. I certainly do not want to be like this for the rest of my life. I wanna be able to be reckless again, and make mistakes, learning from them and understand the underlying lessons of each downfall. 


There are a lot of things I want in life and I have yet to achieve. And time is running out for me. Therefore you can understand how insecure and vulnerable I am when I am in an unfamiliar territory. As broken as I am, I still have my own dignity and pride. I don't like letting people see the weaker me because then they'd get the upper hand. Your weakness is your enemy's strength. 


Today's the famously known " April's Fool Day. Guess i am the only fool here tonight. 


You really had me believed. 

Hello there! 

It's been another week and finally semester begins in 2 days. :) It's been very overwhelming, this holiday of mine. I'm pleading to God to make my coming holidays as amazing as this one. :D 

I dyed the hair burgundy which shades of purple. Have not try this colour before but im definitely loving it. However, I do realize something bout my hair and that the colour doesn't stick for long. Am supposed to go redo them every 3 months which means damaging my hair. Pfft. But until then,  I like my hair dark. I feel much healthier and fresh. 

Hung out with the best friend after the long break.  We went to Midvalley for some random shopping spree and then C wanted to eat her heart out with the salmon especially after telling her I had 60 pieces of them at the buffet. 

I go crazy with the Jap! :D 

I have yet to meet someone who loves Japanese food as much as I do. :) Need to share this passion with someone, would be such a waste. 

Oh, did i mention that I am in love? :) 

After two and a half years of being single and beating around the bushes, I have found someone special to share my happiness and sorrows with. It's a little overwhelming and I am still trying to believe it myself. <3 

hoodie.

Whenever I get like this...

And undergo jean-ni therapy. 

After being jean-nified. 

I love you sweetheart. We both shall get through this and help to fix each other up. Thanks for being the pillar of strength when I needed someone the most. 

Consequences and the benefit of the Doubt.

I feel insecure. All over again. I could pretend to be okay in the morning and put a big fake smile on my face but when the sun sets, and the night falls upon, I find myself so weak and vulnerable, almost fragile. My mind is so tired from all the running because to be honest, you've been running in out of my mind all day long.


Please spare me the confusion because I don't feel like I could take another moment of this especially with all the previous never-worked-out relationships that I have lost count. Throughout all my relationships, the only time I'd ever fallen in love was with this guy. Let's name him Dylan. I could swear for sure he was the guy that I'd spent the rest of my life with. Despite my dreams and hopes, we were never meant for each other. He had bigger dreams and happy endings to chase after, and I was not part of it.


However, that didn't stop me from loving him over the years and no matter what, I'd had a place in my heart for him even when I was in a relationship with someone else. Yes, you're probably thinking what kind of a person am I and how could I be so selfish. But then again, who ever said love was selfless or that it was fair? Emotions cannot be measured by and it certainly cannot be locked up t to a certain person or period of time of your favor. Heck, I'd wish it was this simple then probably divorce attorney wouldn't even have a job. 


For those of us who are not in a relationship and feels the same way like me, I'd like to think that we are lost running in the crossroads of an empty field and over and over again, we fall back into the same places running into the same people. Round peg, square hole. And in order for us to not go down that path again, we simply not go down that path again. Make a new path, find a new field, explore a little. Like what C says, " Travel alone and get lost, cause along the way, you'd find yourself and meet new people. " 


Broken hearts and wet tissue papers all over the floor. Been there and I think I lost count of it. So, why feel so low? Be happy and grateful that another day has bestowed upon you and you are given the chance to make a difference. If you don't like what you are right now, change it. You aren't happy bout a relationship, break it off and give yourself some time in solitude.  


At this point of my life, I can truly tell someone in the face that I am generally happy with whatever that is going on and taking course. And the best thing bout it is that I don't need a man to make me happy and give me things that I want. Because I am independent enough to make myself happy and provide the things that I want in life.

random #2

Since I practically now have nothing much to do, I've decided to clean and organize my pictures storage on the computer and do a little something for the blog. Along the way, I found some pictures that are worth cherishing, and I shall put them up.


For sentimental reasons and looking back at all these pictures brings back all the feeling that I never thought I'd feel again. A little nostalgic but I like it.


In the event, some of these people aren't in my life anymore but I feel like it's a part of me and you're not supposed to hate the memories too because at that point of life, they were good. Some, one of the best.

Baby brother's birthday last January. :) 

3D Screening with baby Angie. :) 

Birthday last year with baby Jo. And yes *I'm a Nerd. *

Tony, one of my old old friends back in Garden's. I do miss those time we hang out babe and i'm sorry if I haven't had the time. :) Soon. Soon. Soon. <3 

Christopher. :) i'm so happy that you and becky finally moved into the new apartment and i'm so excited bout your wedding. :) Can't believe it's been 4 years now since the first time we had our first skypecast and where we met. :P Be missing you always dear one! 

I just wanna scream my lungs out now and tell you how much i miss you !  

random #782

Sometimes, when I sit by the balcony on my own, i often wondered bout Christmas and what it would be like. Would it be the same like every year? Or is it going to be different? Is anything special gonna happen?

Among all the holiday festive, Christmas happens to be my favourite. I love the idea of Christmas in every single way. The colour, the meaning, the food, the weather, the carols, etc. Unwrapping presents under the Christmas tree always ended disastrously because I'd stomp around the house if I didnt get what I want. 

My fetish for Candy bars and white chocolates are never gone. :B Thumbs up for you if you are the same too. 

Those who know me well knows that I am a different myself when I get too attached with alcohol. 

Vampified.

The maid's gone for two weeks so until her return, I am the tempo maid. :B 


First day, I've done more chores in a day than I ever did in the last couple of years. Sure, I've done all this in back in highschool but still, the fact that I've not been lifting a finger make everything a little hard to do. But I manage to get everything together and someone had a bet over me that I might not last through the week. :) We shall see, you gorilla. :) 


I haven't update much because I've been stucked with the drama series, " The Vampire Diaries " and I gotta say, I am hooked. And once im true with the second season, I'll go get the book and read. To be honest, I've heard lots of good reviews bout the movie and the book but I was to skeptical to go give it a try because I wanted to be loyal to my twilightsaga. But the moment I watched the first epi, I couldn't stop until I finished the entire season last night. :) The best thing bout the drama series are the boys and the storyline but most of al, the genre of songs played in the movie, ME LOVE! 


This is gonna be a short one since I'm going to bed now. ( and it's only 10.30pm ) 


POOO! 




Until then, have a great day everyone! <3 

Banana Cake

Banana Cake. 

Ingredients: 
A. 
5 eggs
15g ovalette
230g caster sugar 


B. ( Mixed together )
170ml corn oil 
230g cake flour ( I used low protein ) 
1 tsp double-action baking powder 


C. ( Mixed together ) 
250g ripen banana ( mashed, and if you wanted a stronger aroma of the banana, you could add it up to 300g) 
60g evaporated milk
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp banana essence




Method: 
1. Line and grease your rectangular tin. Preheat the oven at 180 degree celcius. 
2. In a mixing bowl, whisk at high speed ingredient (A) until light and fluffy. 
3. Gradually add in ingredient (B) beat at low speed. Lastly, add in ingredient (C). 
4. Pour them into the prepared tin and bake for 45 to 50 minutes. Cool cake well.