Change

What is Change? 


Change comes in many different ways. Often in ways that you could never imagine, when you least expects it or when you finally decided that it's time to move on. And for some, it's a chance to escape from whatever it is that one would wanna run away from. 


Just like any other day, I woke up and clean myself up. I washed my face and as I look in the mirror, this strange feeling came upon me. I can't put my finger to what it was but this feeling was very overwhelming. I came downstairs and sat on the couch. Looked out the garden and the sun was shining bright, the sound of the trees whispering to each other as the wind slowly caresses against the leaves. 


A lot has happened in the year of 2011. It's a little late to reminisce since February is almost coming to and end. Most people do their reminiscing on New Years Eve. The odd thing is I dont remember everything in detail, I don't have a vivid memory of every single event but yes, change has taken it's place. 


I messed up. Big time. My finals were utter disappointment and I dont know who is more despair, my parents or myself. Friends often tell me that it is not too late and I still can make a difference. However, sometimes you just can't help shake the feeling of losing hope and I asked myself a million times if I could do it. 


The night before my resits I had a hard time trying to go to sleep, suffering from the anxiety of not being able to do those papers and failing. A friend of mine told me that " leave the stress for tomorrow and now have a good night and let rest take its course. " Another cheerful sayang of mine told me that " It's not that Nothing is Impossible but Everything is Possible. " Now i know my results are not for another week and to be truthful, I am a little nervous but I just wanna say thank you to those who have been there day and night, supporting me and being my pillar of strength when everything seems to be falling apart. I definitely couldn't have done it alone without you and if by any chance you ever need a favour, I'll be gladly to help if you'll have me. :) 


1. This holiday break from uni has definitely been long. Now, if I had more things to do, time would probably pass a little faster and I would eventually complain bout not having enough. But being apart from uni gives me the opportunity to spend quality time. Not just my family but with myself. I've had a lot of time to think about what I want and what to do in life and I wished I had this kinda time back in the years. Recently, I've doubted my decision on picking this major because I don't see myself down the road in twenty years doing what I am currently studying. But then, it's a little too late to turn my back on it and I wont do that of course. And there's a saying, " If you're gonna be stuck with it, might as well make the most out of it " 


*Change
You can bet on this that I will be working both my arse off the coming semester. It'll be to prove myself for all the times that I've failed to do so and also to my parents, my constant source of hope and love. To think that after raising me for twenty years, a few grades on a piece of paper isn't much to ask from their ungrateful daughter. I'm not sure how much is it I can do but I promise a difference. God has given me this 2nd chance to do it once again and if I blew this up, I might as well put a shotgun over my head and pull the trigger myself. 


2. Anyone who knows me in person knows that im a sucker for love. I enjoy finding the right guy and falling for them. But we all know it always ends with a broken heart apart and trust me it's not enjoyable at all. Recently, I finally found a guy whom I think may be the best thing that's gonna ever happen to me in my entire life but I let it go. Most people said it was the stupidest thing to do but I dont think its right to keep a relationship going when it's started off with a foundation of lies and hoping it would get better. I don't know if I ever gonna regret my decision, maybe I will but at least I know, I did what I did for the right reason. Like I said, if you known the real me, I'd probably fall right in and say yes to him without having to think but it's not what I want I want. What I really want is what i need. 


*Change 
The change has already taken place. And for the first time I wont be chasing for love but to wait for it and hopefully this time, the right guy comes along and sweep me off my feet the right way. Correction. sweep me off my feet. Period. * We all want love to come along and yet we set all this restrictions as to how it should come * If I'm gonna keep doing that, love will never come my way and it would never come yours.