Death?

it's been a while since i posted something here.

my boyfriend asked me why. i simply just told him that nothing good has been happening lately, well nothing happy for me to share. but he insist that i should share my ups and downs here, not abandoning this "deep-hearted" blog of mine.

so here it goes,

Uncle Edward passed away on the first day of Chinese New Year. It probably has been one of the hardest things in my life that I had to go through. I still remembered walking down the hallway to Aunty Jenny and she said to go in and see him. At that point of time, I still did not know that he had gone so far away. As I approached my uncle's bed, I saw Mom choked and started tearing up, I then knew he was gone. Forever.

Not a day goes by that I do not miss him. Because I really do. For the past one month during his coma period, the whole family had high hopes that one day he would wake up and all he needed was that miracle. That miracle never came. At least that's what I thought. Then it came the funeral and the whole process went by so quickly that soon it was the third day of awake and by next morning, we were off to sent Uncle Edward for cremation.

It's almost been 2 months since he left us but his voice and laughters still lingers in the house. How he likes to have his first cig of the day after the wakes up right in front of the gates. How I would come home late at nights during my classes and he would be sitting right there waiting for me to come. How he would teach me baking and cultivate my patience and passion for little things.

The miracle did happened but in a way that took me some time to figure out and realize. Uncle Edward's passing shed some light into my life and it made me realized how much I've forgotten my roots and side-tracked from where I should be heading in my life.

I've made so many mistakes in my life and I can honestly say, I'm awake from all of this. Life is so fragile and that's how God has created us in a way for us to learn to be grateful and appreciate the things that we have while we have it.

I've sinned so much that I do not know where to start for my redemption of my soul. My actions in the past has led me to the state that I am today and I feel it may be too late for me to start all over and turn over a new leaf.

I used to crave and desire the things that made me happy. I thought it would made me happy. But I realized that I have been wanting the wrong things all these times. And that while I was chasing all that, I never foreseen that the truth is, all that I needed was right in front of me all along.